


Not enough

by FirenzeSun



Series: Enough [1]
Category: Black Sails
Genre: M/M, OT4 silverflint fic, Reunion Fic, Treasure Island Can Suck It, mentions of past rape, post Season 4 fic, they both betrayed each other and i mean to convey that, this is both a flint and silver critical fic, this is mainly angst with some smut in it and thomas wrecking truths, this is the reunion fic my soul needed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-17
Updated: 2017-11-17
Packaged: 2019-02-03 14:38:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12750324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FirenzeSun/pseuds/FirenzeSun
Summary: "Why?" was Flint's turn to ask."Why what?" and they were several steps apart and there was no knifes between them, but Flint was taken back to a Spanish warship. "Why did I refused to see you kill yourself even after you betrayed me or why I didn't go after you once it was all over? Because both have the same answer, and I don't think you're going to like it."--------------A post season 4 reunion fic where Silver and Flint shout how much they hurt each other. But maybe for once, they can finally eliminate any dalight lingering between them.





	Not enough

**Author's Note:**

> Big shout to Maze because nothing helps more to write angst than sharing at each ohter pieces of your angsty fic with one another through Tumblr's chat.

There were two men outside when he opened the door, but Silver had eyes for only one. His red hair was long again and his beard had barely changed in these last few years. But what truly captivated Silver were his eyes. They carried such a familiar depth that it both comforted and unsettled Silver.

When the silence stretched for two long, Thomas spoke. "I believe it would be best if we didn't linger in the entryway."

Silver stared at him with the same spooked face, as if it had been a ghost who had talked. He then shook his head, and the spell that had settled between him and Flint was broken. "Yeah, you're right. Come in," he said moving away with his crutch.

Instead, an uncomfortable atmosphere had lowered upon them. Neither of the three of them seemed comfortable in their own skin.

"Madi is here with you, isn't she?" Flint asked.

Silver grimaced.

"We came here together," he said. "But now she's staying in the tavern. She will glad to see you though. She will relieved to know I didn't lie about not killing you."

Silver cursed the bitterness that run through his words. His eyes fix on the floor of his house in Boston.

"The tavern is near here, I'll tell you how to go. There's still four hours till it opens, you should be able to see her."

And he didn't move, he didn't look. Because he doubted he could survive seeing him go away through his door.

"I want to see Madi, but not now," Flint said and his voice was careful trading over the broken shreds their hearts was. "I needed to see you."

The silence that followed those words was like the calm before a storm, like the tension of a violin's string before erupting into melody.

"Why?"

And it was the first raindrops, the first tearful note of the violin.

"Look at me," Flint asked, but Silver refused. "Look at me," he commanded and Silver obeyed, the tears down his face were the whole storm contained, the saddest music.

"Why?" was Flint's turn to ask.

"Why what?" and they were several steps apart and there was no knifes between them, but Flint was taken back to a Spanish warship. "Why did I refused to see you kill yourself even after you betrayed me or why I didn't go after you once it was all over? Because both have the same answer, and I don't think you're going to like it."

"That I betrayed _you_?" Flint's calmness was gone and his rage had reappeared like when Silver had stolen a babble. "You left me in a fucking plantation!"

And Silver strode to him angrily until they were mere inches apart. All there was missing was a knife between them, but weaponized words were enough. Would it always be like this for them? Some kind of weapon between them?

"The one time! The one time I asked you to support me and you stole the cache!" Silver's tears fell freely now through his now face red from shouting. "The one time I begged you to be behind me, I begged you, and what did you do? You chose your fucking war! You did what I always knew you were going to do! You discarded me as soon as I was no longer useful to you! That's why I had tried to steal the gold in the first fucking place! So you wouldn't get the chance to throw me away first! But then I made the fucking mistake of thinking you could see me as your equal. What a fucking fool I was! I let myself be drawn to you, and for what? The truth is, I was never enough for you."

Flint looked at Silver with big eyes, his nostril flaring in anger.

"Don't be fucking daft! I was trying to see you through it, to show you there was a way we could have both! But you never really learned how to look at two points in space, did you? And don't act like all of this is simply because of that, like you weren't planning behind my back once more! Like you weren't hiding to me the information about Thomas, so you could use it when it was more convenient to you!"

"And when was I supposed to tell you?!" Silver shouted in return. "When you ran into the fort giving two shits about my opinion? When I was grieving over Madi? Or maybe while you were running with Dooley with the cache."

Flint's lip twitched, a point he didn't want to concede.

"And you really think that's all? I loved you and you knew it. You knew I would never hurt you and you used it against me to sell me as a slave!" Flint spat at him.

"Please, how long did you actually stay there? A week? Two?" Silver spat back. "I won't say what I did was fine, I was never a good person and you knew that. But don't act as you haven't done worse. You hurt me when I needed you the most and you still can't see it. And it angered me, but once I could see past the rage and the pain," he trailed off, Silver was crying again. "I loved you so I had to stop you, you and her both. You're wrong I did learn how to look to more than one point in space, for all the good it did me. I loved you and you loved me, but I was never enough for you."

The fight and the tears were done with Silver, he walked back to one of the chairs in the room and fell down on it.

"But I don't blame you," he continued with defeated shoulders. "I'm not enough for you not for her. But I don't care, you're both alive and you have him back. As long as you're alive to tell the story, I can be your villain," Silver didn't look at him anymore, staring at the floor with his forehead pressing at his crutch. "Did you get what you wanted from your visit?" he asked, his voice soft like a night after a wrecking storm.

"No," Flint said and there were tears in his eyes, he walked towards Silver and dropped to his knees in front of him. He removed the crutch from Silver's hands and set it aside on the floor. Too caught up in their silence, neither noticed how with a sweet melancholic smile Thomas left the house.

"Did you come to have revenge?" Silver asked softly, admitting he would allow it. He wouldn't fight it.

"No," Flint whispered laying his hands on Silver's knees.

"Did you come to gloat in my misery?" Silver asked again with a trembling voice showing him his misery so Flint could do with it what he wanted.

"No," Flint whispered, his hands trailing up through Silver's waist.

"Did you come to break my heart again?" Silver asked and a lonely tear fell admitting his heart was already breaking again. That he would take whatever Flint was willing to give him.

"No," Flint whispered and his hands closed around Silver's head and dragged him forward.

"I came because I never stopped loving you," with that Flint finally connected their lips together.

It was all of it at once. It was revenge, it was gloating, it was heartbreaking. Because Silver didn't deserve this absolution, this kindness. He didn't deserve Flint's tongue against his, nor his fingers trailing softly through his curls. He didn't deserve any of it. So it was revenge because Flint could take it now all away and leave Silver even more broken. It was gloating because Flint had the power over Silver to force him to receive his tenderness. It was heartbreaking because Silver didn't deserve it but he would take it anyway, he was that desperate for some lie that told him he was not a monster.

When they broke apart, their lips shining with their mix saliva, Silver had his hands buried in Flint's hair. Their foreheads together and their noses touching.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Silver cried. "I love you, I love you so much. I'm sorry for not being enough."

Flint kissed him again desperately while more tears fell from his eyes. He kissed him as if with want he could erase a life of self-doubt.

"I'm sorry I ever made you feel like less," Flint whispered against his lips.

Silver laughed. "You were the first that made me feel like more than."

They kissed again and it seemed like finally, they were on equal ground. No more distance between the two.

"Fuck me, please, fuck me," Silver asked, begged and this time Flint complied to that begging.

He grabbed Silver and carried him to the bedroom that was not hard to find. Silver didn't complain about being carried because any vulnerability he had left to expose, he would willingly expose to Flint. Once Flint deposited him on the bed, Flint asked.

"Do you have any oil here?"

"Yes, on the left drawer," Silver breathed the reality of what was about to happen sinking in.

"Have you done this before?" Flint asked.

"Not quite," Silver admitted and he swallowed trying to push forward what he had silenced once. Because this time he was stripped naked in soul, he needed Flint to see him. Not any of his masks, but who he truly was. "I've been with men before," he said, his arms still around Flint's neck. "But all the way? Never willingly."

Flint moved back, letting Silver's arms fall from him and Silver's heart broke.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" and Silver closed his eyes against Flint's concern, unable to risk seeing pity in those eyes he admired so much.

"Please, I'm telling you this, but do not define me by it. Please," he begged.

"Alright," Flint agreed and moved down to kiss him again, and he held back no passion, showing him he still wanted him. That it had not changed what he thought of him.

They undressed each other with firm but unstable hands. Hands that wanted to rush it but also wanted to enjoy every inch of skin they uncovered. They were desperate, like eating raw shark after being becalmed. As if they might never taste food again so it had to all be consumed now.

When they were fully naked, they groaned when their erections slided against each other.

"I love you," Silver repeated. Because if one thing was he going to have from all this, was to make sure that Flint understood how he felt about him.

"I love you too," Flint said while he covered his fingers in oil and trailed soft kisses all over Silver's face. He would have distracted Silver by taking care of his erection but he knew Silver needed to look him in the eyes while he did this. That it was the emotional, not the physical connection what mattered.

"That's it, good boy," Flint said while he inserted the first finger, his eyes drilling into him.

Silver gasped and moaned, both at the same time. Flint's heart melted at that, unable to believe he had someone so beautiful, both in body and soul at his mercy. And to think he only saw himself as a monster.

"You're doing so well, I knew you would take them so well," Flint continued to praise him, only stop him to give him soft pecks, while he was already three fingers in. "I can't wait to see you take my cock. You were meant for this."

"Please, James, please," Silver begged. Flint could not deny Silver's begs ever again, so he complied, already undone for hearing him say his name.

"John," he said reverently while he pressed his already slickened dick to Silver's entrance. He looked him into his eyes to make sure Silver was still on board. But he saw no traces of fear or hesitance. Instead, he saw a love so deep as the ocean that resided inside those eyes.

A tear rolled down Flint's cheek while he entered Silver.

Their bodies plastered against one another, already covered in sweat while they recover their breaths. While they absorbed everything that was happening between them. The raw physicality of what they were doing and the spirituality of two souls illuminating one another.

A few minutes later, Flint felt like he could move without coming on the spot. So he drove his hips back to roll them in again. Silver gasped under him and dug his nails on his shoulder. He then moaned once he could get the air in. Flint did it again and saw enraptured the gratifying surprise running through Silver's face at discovering a pleasure he did not knew well.

"If you could see yourself, you're taking it so well. Just like I knew you would," Flint praised speeding up his hips. Silver's hand moved to his hair tangling themselves, tugging it unconsciously. "That's it, yes," Flint continued and to experiment, he grabbed a handful of Silver's hair and tugged.

The shout that came from Silver was beautiful. Flint licked the tears that fell from Silver's eyes and continued to adore him with words. "That's it, my love, you're so good at this."

Silver cried and came between their stomachs, a shout tore from his lungs. Flint thrusted a couple more of times and then came buried deep inside Silver.

When he came back to himself, Silver removed Flint's sweat plastered hair from his forehead, and smiled lovingly at him. His first genuine smile in years.

.

The tavern had been easy to find. Madi had been a little less easier to convince to open the door. But when she did, and he said, "you must be Madi Scott, my name is Thomas Hamilton," she had finally let him in.

Despite not knowing each other, Madi had hugged him once he told her Flint was alive and well and here. Then they sat on the table with a bottle of rum and bread between them, to get to know each other and to talk about Silver and Flint.

"I have an advantage over the both of you," Thomas said. "Neither of you had managed to see the real Mr. Silver. But when I arrived today, I saw not the thief nor pirate Flint fell in love with, nor the king that you loved. I saw him without masks, for the broken mess he was. And so in the few minutes in his presence I discovered the names of the demons that torment him. One carries your name, of course," Thomas said pointing slightly at Madi with the bottom of his cup.

Madi swallowed, unwilling to show how causing Silver torment affected her.

"Another carries James' name. There's one even with mine. But the most important of them all doesn't have a name _per se_. It's an abstract but powerful concept. It's self-doubt, fear of never been enough. A fear that proved itself correct."

"I can't justify what he did, nor I condone it but neither I reproach him because without what he did I might not be here. But I do understand him. I even share his sentiment."

"I loved James when he was McGraw, I along with my late wife helped him uncover the first veil of shame and assisted in the birth of James Flint. Silver loved him when he was Flint, and you and him helped him get rid of his shameful guilt and helped reborn James McGraw. I'm not enough for James because he's both McGraw and Flint, both personas live inside him."

Thomas paused and sighed. He drank a bit more of his rum.

"Mr. Silver is not enough for James. And he was not enough for you. His fears were right. But James isn't enough for him and you aren't enough for him either. Neither of us is enough for one another."

.

Silver grunted. "I have to get cleaned up, the tavern will open in a while."

"You want to go for a drink?" Flint asked perplexed.

"No, you idiot," Silver smiled fondly. "The tavern is Madi's and I'm the cook."

Flint barked a laugh. "You're the cook?"

"Yeah, I know, the irony and all that," he said fakingly annoyed. "But I'm the cook, I have to get up," Silver said while he contradicted himself snuggling closer to Flint.

"The tavern won't open tonight," Thomas said from the bedroom's door, a big smile on his face while he appreciated the picture the two handsome naked men made in the bed.

Silver looked at him confused.

"We have to settle things between us first," Madi said entering the room, a bag on her hand.

Silver looked at her hopeful.

.

"We were going to free my people," Madi had said angrily. "Make them pay for tearing us from our homes and chain us. We might have failed, I recognize that, but he took away any chance at succeeding we had of making something. Tell me, Thomas, if you were me, could you forgive that?"

Thomas had smiled into his cup.

"I once tried to forgive an entire island of pirates and I was incarcerated for it. I am not the best one to talk about forgiveness. But I know a thing or two about being a martyr and that martyrs are not the only ones who pay and those who love them do so too."

"Forgiveness you say? I honestly don't know. Sometimes I now believe it too big a word. But moving on, that I know it to be possible."

"Neither of us is enough," Thomas had said, "but maybe, just maybe, the four of us together is more than enough."

**Author's Note:**

> I stayed up till 6 am writing this, and now it's barely 11am and I'm already publishing it, but hell writing this was cleansing. I needed it.  
> Hope you guys like it!


End file.
